I prefer to use Marriage Prep and Premarital Road Mapping over Premarital Counseling (which you see so often) because the latter implies the couple is having problems when they have barely begun the relationship.  To my mind, Marriage Prep (short for ‘preparation’, of course) and Premarital Road Mapping are more apt because they address the specific purpose, which is to educate couples on how to support and maintain a mutually fulfilling and happy marriage (or a committed love relationship).

The majority of couples seeking to marry or live together are in love and basking in the mutual sunshine of love, novelty, excitement, intimacy, and passion.  They are not dwelling on the pain that can surface over time when love fades.  This early blissful phase affords them the opportunity to dream together about a happy and fulfilling life, but it should also serve as a time to take stock of who they are, what they want and what they are prepared to do to nurture, maintain and protect their love, intimacy and connectedness.

How can you share who you are with your partner if you don’t know who you are yourself?

How can you meet your partner’s needs and wants when you are unaware of your own needs, wants, expectations, fantasies, turn-offs and triggers?

Fundamentally, the more we know ourselves (the good, the bad and the ugly) and the better we can meet our own meets and wants, the more able we are to recognize and meet the needs and wants of our partner. We cannot give away what we don’t possess nor provide what we don’t recognize in our loved one. It also follows that the amount of marital joy and commitment a couple experiences is in direct proportion to the depth of self-understanding of each partner and the ability to support their own and the other’s needs and wants. 

Becoming relationally self-aware (knowing how we behave in our relationships and what we seek from our loved ones) and loving ourselves unconditionally are, therefore, foundational to a happy and mutually satisfying union.

Your goal should be to become your very best self (through ongoing introspection, self-understanding, and self-love) and to approach your partner, not so much from the perspective of “what can you do for me?” or “what can I get from you?” but rather “how can I best love and support you, so that you can flourish and become your best self?”  This has to be mutual.  It may sound idealistic, but it is the departure point that will give your relationship the best chance of arriving at mutual satisfaction and longevity. 

Any amount of time and energy you put into your relationship to learn about yourself and your partner so that you can grow together is an investment in your future happiness. Of vital importance is your ability and willingness to meet your partner’s needs. Sometimes meeting our loved one’s needs is part of our nature, which makes the process simpler. At other times, what our partner needs is foreign to our way of thinking and behaving, which makes the task more challenging, even impossible. 

It’s interesting yet puzzling to me how the majority of couples put more time, planning, resources and emotional energy into their wedding day and future residence than into their premarital preparation and actual marriage.  Either they believe that divorce will never happen to them or they are oblivious to the odds. According to Just Great Lawyers (2022), here are recent statistics on marriages that end in divorce in the United States:

• First marriage around 50%

• Second marriage approximately 67%

• Third marriage approximately 74%.

These are appalling odds and clearly a couple’s best chance is their FIRST marriage, even then there’s only a 50/50 probability of long-term success. 

Inquire About Marriage Prep